Another Day Another Defilement
by Akarnia
Summary: A sacred Idol is stolen and Xena and Gabrielle team up with Autolycus on a zany adventure to get it back.


Another day another Defilement  
  
By: Jessica Edwards  
Please send feedback: Amzngirl04@aol.com  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story , the Creators of Xena: Warrior Princess do. No subtext, not really much violence, no Sex, just comedy. Note: Takes place during the sixth season  
  
His steady hands slipped through the string of chimes that would set off the alarm, and a small dead of sweat formed and cascaded down his face as he waited in anticipation. The king of thieves carefully gripped his hand around the supple emerald and placed it in a black pouch, little did he know the altar at which the emerald wrested was pressure sensitive and when the emerald was taken the bells sounded for the guards.  
  
"That's my Q" Autolycus said to himself.  
  
He tied the pouch to his belt and made his way to the window. ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````````` Autolycus was now safely out of the temple and heading towards the stairs to the tavern.  
  
"Another day another defilement" he mused as he stepped up the stairs, but before he reached the top something sharply wrapped around his ankles and he crashed into the stairs face first and was pulled to the bottom.  
  
He opened his eyes and without looking back sighed "Not possible"  
  
Autolycus slowly turned around onto his back and discovered two women before him.  
  
"Xena.Gabrielle, you're supposed to be dead." Autolycus spoke in shock. Xena smiled back.  
  
"Sorry to disappoint you" Auotlycus slowly stood up and shook his head.  
  
"No, I'm thrilled, I love concussions"  
  
"I'm surprised to see you still in the business.and young" Gabrielle stated, Auto shrugged.  
  
"Ah.elixir of life.a um "gift" from the queen-,. .But no, really you guys were dead.for the last 25 years actually."  
  
"I thought you would have heard, Xena did kill the Olympians not long ago" Gabrielle said Confused.  
  
"Oh I heard, I just don't believe everything drunks tell me." Autolycus sighed and Xena stepped into the conversation.  
  
"Well now that we are all caught up again, I need two things from you"  
  
"What's that" Autolycus asked.  
  
"Well first, I need that emerald so I can give it back to those priests you Stoll it from and second I need your help" Xena spoke and held out her hand for the emerald.  
  
Autolycus grudgingly handed it to her.  
  
"You know I became a rich man while you were dead." Autolycus complained.  
  
Xena smiled and asked again "and the second thing?"  
  
Autolycus put his hands to his hips and looked at Xena with and agitated expression.  
  
"Let me guess, there is no reward and it's for that greater good thing you two do all the time"  
  
Xena and Gabrielle smiled at each other "Yep"  
  
Auto smiled back "ahhh, I can't resist you guys, it'll be just like old times" he laughed and hugged both women. He released his embraced and they started walking away from the town.  
  
"So what's the story?" he asked.  
  
"not far away from here there's a small village, they own this Idol of their god Veles, They say it's made of gold and adorned with rubies and diamonds" xena began.  
  
"Great story so far, but what's the catch?" Auto asked.  
  
"The idol of Veles protects the village from any armies and it keeps the crops plentiful" Gabrielle picked up and Xena finished.  
  
"It was stolen not long ago by king Roden, he wants it to protect his kingdom from being destroyed. If we don't get it back to the village it will be attacked and looted of it's plentiful gold supply"  
  
"ahh.and the great king keeps it heavily guarded and you need my clever mind to get it back" Autolycus added.  
  
"Something like that" Gabrielle whispered.  
  
"King Roden's Castle is a days walk from here, and we are going undercover" Xena stated and handed the disguises out.  
  
"As?" Auto asked suspiciously.  
  
"As entertainers" Gabrielle smiled, Autolycus frowned.  
  
"What kind of entertainers?"  
  
"You're a magician and we are your assistants" Xena bluntly said.  
  
"All right.Autolycus the great and his enchantingly beautiful ladies- let me see you costumes" Autolycus asked.  
  
Xena and Gabrielle held up light colored purple harem pants and a green sleeveless top. Autolycus dropped his head and grabbed the clothes.  
  
"Come on Xena where's the skin?"  
  
Gabrielle snatched the clothes back and scolded him.  
  
" Why should women have to dress in as little as possible to get what they want? It's degrading"  
  
"But it works" Autolycus argued and Xena frowned in defeat.  
  
"He's right Gabrielle, it wouldn't hurt to make the close more revealing."  
  
"Great so when are we leaving?"  
  
"Tomorrow, let's set up here for the night"  
  
The group made camp and set up for the night. ```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````````````  
  
The next morning Xena, Gabrielle, and Autolycus traveled to Rodens Kingdom and reached it as the sun began to set. As they got closer to the large castle Xena noticed two royal guards at it's entrance. She quietly signaled to Autoycus and Gabrielle to hid behind the nearby tree.  
  
"Ok.Time to get in character" Xena ordered. The three began to change into their entertainment disguises. Xena finished and surveyed her two partners.  
  
"Looks Good"  
  
"Right.Now what do we call ourselves?" Autolycus asked.  
  
"You can make something up.something appropriate" Xena glared.  
  
"Of course"  
  
"The three began to walk to the guards.  
  
"Remember Auotlycus does the talking, and once were in there we get a room and start searching, got it?"  
  
Got it" Auto and Gabrielle answered. As they approached the guards they crossed their spears stopping the three.  
  
"What is your business here?" The larger guard asked.  
  
"Why my good sire, I am a world famous traveling magician, my assistants and I wish to perform for your gracious king" Autolycus fluently spoke.  
  
His dark purple cape danced behind him in the wind, and his large turban made his head bobble from side to side. The guard gave him a suspicious look then glanced back at Xena and Gabrielle who weren't wearing much. The guard smiled.  
  
"Come with me, the king should enjoy this." The guard lowered his weapon and led them into a large thrown room.  
  
"there's the king, tell him your mission and if anything goes wrong you'll have hell to pay." The guard threatened and left.  
  
"alright ladies were on" Autolycus said and they walked toward the king who was seated on his thrown. Autolycus stepped up and spread his arms wide.  
  
" your majesty.My name is Hudinious and these are my lovely assistants Titsia and Bodice. It would be our greatest pleasure if you would allow us to perform for your kingdom our world class magic act." Autolycus grind and glanced over at Xena and saw her evil glaring eyes staring back. Roden stood and spoke to the three.  
  
"I suppose you could perform tonight at the banquet, we already have jugglers and jesters.I'll get you a room"  
  
"Thank you your majesty" Autolycus bowed and the king signaled for his guards who took them to one large room.  
  
The guards left. Autolycus quickly ripped the heavy turban off and tossed it on the bed.  
  
"That's the most uncomfortable thing I have ever worn" He laughed.  
  
Xena quickly picked up the hat and roughly threw it at him.  
  
"Oah, what was that for?"  
  
"Our names Autolycus, you such a bastard" Gabrielle scolded.  
  
"I was just having a little fun" Autolycus protested.  
  
"It doesn't matter anymore we don't have much time, Autolycus what do we do next?" Xena asked.  
  
"Well you said the this castle is infamous for it's hidden passage ways, the idol is probably in one of them."  
  
"Ok well how do we find one of those passageways?" Gabrielle asked.  
  
"easy, the stones on the wall will be uneven from the rest of of the stones."  
  
"Ok, where do we start looking?" Xena asked.  
  
"My guess is it will be close to the king"  
  
"Throne Room?" Xena asked.  
  
"Good guess, lets go"  
  
The three made their way to the throne room still in disguise. They could hear the festive music coming from the banquet hall.  
  
"Sounds like the party has already started" Autolycus said.  
  
"Xena won't the king be wondering where the magic act is?" Gabrielle asked.  
  
"Eventually, but hopefully we will have found the idol by then" they began to search the walls quickly for anything unusual. Autolycus ran to the throne and began to move it causing a loud noise.  
  
"Found it!" he shouted. Xena and Gabrielle ran over to him.  
  
"Ok, now help me push it." He ordered.  
  
And they all began to push. In a short matter of time the section of brick began to open leading to a hall lit with torches. Autolycus was first to jump in, then Gabrielle, but before Xena could enter one of the guards entered the throne room.  
  
"What do you think your doing?" he yelled. Xena quickly turned.  
  
"I-I was getting something for the king" she stuttered, the guard frowned and saw that she was pressed up against the wall.  
  
"What are you hiding?" He asked and reached out to pull her away from the wall, But Xena grabbed him and turned him around so that his back was to the wall and she could see if Gabrielle and Autolycus were safe. Xena knew that Autolycus would be angry if she started busting heads so she had to think quickly of another distraction. The guard began to look behind him.  
  
"Wait!" She yelled. He turned back around.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Um.Look!" Xena yelled and lifted her shirt high revealing her bare chest. The guard stared, dumbfounded. She held her position until autolycus and Gabrielle were out of sight. Then she lowered her top and smiled innocently.  
  
"Now, could you tell me where the King is?" Xena asked, the guard looked up at her still shocked.  
  
"umm..he's in the banquet hall"  
  
"Thanks, catch you latter" she said and patted his cheek and watched him leave. Xena rolled her eyes and quickly jumped through the doorway. Xena jogged down a dark hall until she met up with Gabrielle and Autolycus who were standing still waiting.  
  
"What took you so long?" Gabrielle asked.  
  
"I had to take care of the guard"  
  
"Geez, don't tell me you beat the stuffing out of him?" Autolycus whined.  
  
"No actually I showed him.um my magic act" Xena mused. Gabrielle and Autolycus both gave her an odd look.  
  
"So what's the problem?" Xena asked changing the subject. Autolycus pointed down in front of them to a large gapping hole in the ground.  
  
"Pit" Autolycus simply said. Xena gently pushed him out of the way and took out her whip.  
  
"uhhh, what are you doing?" Auto asked.  
  
"Getting us across" Xena answered and threw one end of the whip up on a log above the pit. She gave it a quick tug and swung across. She tossed it back across and auto handed it to Gabrielle and she swung across. Then Auto did the same. The three then moved on down the narrow dark hall.  
  
Not much longer Autolycus stopped again.  
  
"Now what?" Gabrielle asked. He then knelt down and felt his hand across the floor, then he stood up and looked at the to walls to the side of him.  
  
"You catch arrows right?" he asked Xena.  
  
"Yes, why?"  
  
"No reason, shall we continue?" Autolycus suggested. Xena stepped forward two steps and onto a tile in the floor that triggered an arrow from each side of the wall to shot out. Xena quickly sensed them and caught one in each hand. Xena through them to the ground and angrily turned around.  
  
"Are you out of your mind?" she screamed  
  
"I knew you could handle it" autolycus argued. Xena roughly grabbed him and through him in front "get going"  
  
They traveled on a bit longer until they came to the end of the hall where it opened up into a large circular room. In the center of the room stood an altar that carried the Idol of Veles.  
  
"There it is" Xena whispered and began to walk forward, but this time Autolycus stopped her.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
"What it it?" Gabrielle asked. Autolycus bent down and picked up a heavy stone and threw it down on a near by tile on the floor. Suddenly many large stone pillars covered with spikes swung out of the walls and continued their staggered swing.  
  
"What do we do?" Gabrielle shouted.  
  
"Watch the master ladies" Autolycus bragged and stepped out at the exact time to doge the first pillar and then the second and so on until he reached the alter and inspected it before taking it.  
  
"It's pressure sensitive, I need to make a counter weight" Autolycus informed, he then pulled out a large pouch and filled it with sand. He took the pouch and placed it on the altar as he removed the idol.  
  
"Got it, let's go" Autolycus made his way back through the swinging pillars and they all headed back to the thrown room, but when they got there King Roden and 15 of his solders were waiting.  
  
"That's quit a magic act, you found my gold idol" The King mocked.  
  
"It's not yours Roden" Xena yelled, but Roden didn't listen and signaled his men to attack.  
  
"Get Them!"  
  
The solders charged them, but as they got only six feet away they all stopped. The power of the idol was holding them back.  
  
"What's happening?" Gabrielle asked.  
  
"It's the idol, lets get out of here"  
  
The three quickly ran out of the castle only to be stopped by the two guards.  
  
"I'll take care of them, you two get the idol to safety" Xena ordered. Autolycus and Gabrielle began to run into the forest while Xena fought the two guards and knocked them unconscious, and ran into the forest to meet up with her friends.  
  
(At The Village)  
  
"We don't know how to thank you, this means so much" the lead villager spoke. Xena smiled.  
  
"Just keep it in a more secure area where no one will steal it"  
  
"We will, thank you again" The man said and returned to the village. Xena turned back to her two friends and they began to walk down the path.  
  
"hey-you guys, it's been real fun, I mean that, but I gotta get going" Autolycus said and they all stopped on the trail.  
  
"Thanks for your help, we couldn't do it without you." Xena said.  
  
"Will we be seeing you again soon Autolycus?" Gabrielle asked.  
  
"Count on it, and hopefully it will be when we are not in a life or death situation.. It was great working with you two again" Autolycus said and reached down to grasp their hand.  
  
"Goodbye" Autolycus said and ran the back of his finger across his mustache and left.  
  
Xena and Gabrielle watched him leave then turned in the opposite Direction and began to walk. Xena reached down to her waist where she had the emerald tied in a pouch that she took from Autolycus, but it was gone.  
  
"What happened to the emerald?"  
  
Gabrielle looked at her friend and smiled.  
  
"I think you've been struck by the king of thieves" 


End file.
